Switzerland's Crack Adventure
by PinkPanther123
Summary: Switzerland wakes up in the middle of a forest...as a girl? WTH?   Reviews are greatly appreciated! Rated T for insanity, cussing, and violence. All of the good ol' stuff! xD Chapter 2 is up, working very hard on chapter 3.
1. Discoveries

Hetaria, Switzerland's POV~

Switzerland opened his eyes to a very strange situation. Strange indeed...

Why was he in a pink, frilly, dress with white tights and a _fucking butterfly in his hair_? He was not a girl, dammit! Hence the "he"s!

"Boo!"

Switzerland shrieked (manly) as he stumbled backwards, eyes watching the forest around him. There wasn't much in the forest, just a deer, rabbit, America holding a chainsaw, and...wait, _what_?

Switzerland's eyes quickly darted back to America, his heartbeat increasing, only to discover that "America" was in actuality a tree trunk. Switzerland tilted his head, stepping forward to observe the tree trunk. It was remarkably similar to America...how strange...

"Hey, didn't you, like, hear me?" Someone complained behind him, and Switzerland jumped, wrapping his legs and arms around the tree trunk like his life depended on it.

The stranger was laughing behind him, and Switzerland scowled, getting off the tree and dusting off his – stupid, idiotic, so not manly – dress. Poland was clutching his stomach, bending forward, his face beet red.

Switzerland pouted, "I hope you choke." Poland straightened up, wiping a tear away from his eyes.

"Your dress is _totally_ cute! I'm so jealous! Like, where did you get it?" Poland chatted. Switzerland's eye ticked.

"I got it from nowhere. Poland, before I shoot you, where am I?" Switzerland growled. Poland smirked.

"You don't, like, have a gun. And you're in, like, Hetaria. Duh! Where have you been for the last fifty years?" Poland asked, putting his hands on his hips. Switzerland raised an eyebrow.

"Hetaria? I've never heard of it." Switzerland said, "And what do you mean by 'I have no gun'?"

Poland smiled sweetly, "Check yourself." Switzerland growled lowly and looked down at himself. There was no gun strapped to his legs, no rifle on his back, no weapon on _anywhere_. Just a dress, heels, and panties and bra.

_Wait, what?_

Switzerland paled, feeling his abs. No abs. Breasts. B-cup breasts. Good Lord, why was he feeling himself – herself? - in front of Poland?

"P-Pervert!" Switzerland cried, taking a few steps back. "I don't know what you did, I don't know how you did it, and I certainly don't know _why_ you did it, nor do I want to, but I want you to redo it – whatever you did!"

Poland grinned madly, tilting his head. "Or you'll do what?"

Switzerland snarled, "I'll shoot you in the fucking vital regions."

Poland scoffed and put his hands up in mock surrender, "Oh no, like, I'm totally scared. O-M-G, don't, like, hurt me!" He smirked again and leaned forward, "...Miss."

Switzerland lunged forward only to meet the hard ground as Poland had moved out of the way. He lifted himself up, watching Poland as he skipped away. Just before Poland disappeared out of sight, he giggled and turned around.

"Oh, by the way, I didn't do anything! You're, like, on your own!" Poland laughed and vanished from Switzerland's sight.

Switzerland groaned and hit the ground in frustration before sitting down and glaring at the scenery around him. What should he do now?


	2. I see London, I see France, I see  WTF?

_**Previous:**_

"_Oh, by the way, I didn't do anything! You're, like, on your own!" Poland laughed and vanished from Switzerland's sight._

_Switzerland groaned and hit the ground in frustration before sitting down and glaring at the scenery around him. What should he do now?_

* * *

Heaving a sigh, Switzerland got back up and started walking in a random direction in the dense forest. For some reason, Switzerland felt really uneasy, like something similar to an earthquake would happen...

Before he knew it, something connected with the back of his head and he blacked out.

XxXxXxX

Waking up with a groan, Switzerland winced slightly as sunlight made it's way into his eyes. He tried to stretch his sore arms only to discover why they were so sore: he was tied to a tree. Switzerland hesitated, looking down at himself. Yep. He was naked. Awesome.

"_Divert your eyes, this is not your body! Pervert!"_ A voice screeched in Switzerland's head, making him snap his head back up and desperately trying to control the blush on his cheeks.

"Ah, so you're up? We can have fun then~!" A French-accented voice chuckled lazily behind Switzerland, and he paled.

"No." Switzerland groaned, momentarily closing his eyes.

"Oui~" France laughed, skipping into view. With another groan, Switzerland diverted his eyes once again.

France was also naked. Wonderful.

"France, let me go!" Switzerland commanded. France tilted his head, looking confused.

"Why would I let you go?"

"Let me go because this isn't dignified!" Oh wait, France was never dignified (when it came to sexual relationships). Damn.

France chuckled deeply, stepping forward and caressing Switzerland's cheek – only to quickly pull it back when Switzerland went to bite his hand. "Now, now. Be good, and I won't make you so sore..."

Switzerland snarled, trying to get his arms free again. Suddenly there was a bright light to the right of Switzerland and he shut his eyes reflexively. The light dimmed and a thud sounded. Switzerland opened his eyes to see France collapsed on the floor with a hovering Britianna Angel on top of him, smirking victoriously. He waved his wand – at least, Switzerland _thought_ it was a wand – and Switzerland's old dress popped back onto him.

"I have stopped perverted Francis from claiming another victim!" Britianna Angel cried, oblivious to Switzerland's glares at the ropes binding him to the tree.

"Yeah, great for you and everything, but could you let me off of this tree?" Switzerland muttered sourly. Next thing he knew, he had a mouth full of dirt. "Gah!"

"Now, miss, is there anything I can help you with?" Britianna Angel asked, cocking his head. "A wish? Food? Clothing?"

"How about a map – whoa. You did _not_ just call me a _miss_." Switzerland challenged, watching the angel. Britianna Angel nodded, not in the least fazed.

"I did. Why? Are you married? You look a bit young, but then again, looks aren't everything."

"Uh-uh. I'm a man! M-A-N! Not a damn woman!"

"...So you have man boobs?"

"Yes – wait, no. I-I-I'm not supposed to have boobs of any sort! I just woke up a woman!"

"..."

"...?"

"...Huh?"

Exasperated, Switzerland threw his hands into the air. "Oh, nevermind. Can I have directions?" Britianna Angel looked sheepish then, choosing to stuff his 'wand' into his mouth. "What's with you? And why do you have your wand in your mouth?"

"It's a jawbreaker made as a lollipop." Britianna Angel explained, "And I don't have directions, or a map."

"Well...what about a guide?" Switzerland attempted. Britianna Angel shook his head. "Stars?"

Britianna Angel looked up towards the sky, Switzerland following. "Oh right...it's daytime."

A bush then rustled, and Switzerland jumped, grabbed a stick and held it in a somewhat threatening stance. "Who's there?"

America jumped out, grinning like a mad man, "The awesome hero! Ooh, England!"

Britianna Angel scowled and brought the jawlipop away from his mouth, "I'm Britianna Angel, you git."

"What's the difference?"

"I'm a fucking fairy!"

"Fairies don't exist~"

"Shut up! Shut up!"

"England, you need to admit that you might have D.I.D and/or you're dressing up in a toga with no underwear."

"Never!" Britianna Angel huffed, turning around and crossing his arms stubbornly. The exchange somehow fascinated Switzerland. America shook his head tiredly.

"I'll work on him later." America whispered to Switzerland. Suddenly, arms grabbed Switzerland from behind and he let out a squeak as he discovered that it was France again. Still naked.

This day kept getting better, huh?

"L-Let me go!" Switzerland growled, struggling. America watched the whole thing, amused, while Britianna Angel continued sucking on his jawlipop. America then got an expression that looked like he was constipated.

"Heeeeyyyy..." He said, a mischievous glint in his eyes. France and Switzerland both stopped moving and simultaneously asked, "What?".

America swiveled around, pointed at Britianna Angel, and sang, "I see London!"

Britianna Angel groaned, "Not this again."

America, unfazed, continued, pointing at France, "I see France!"

France nodded, "Oui?"

America grinned insanely, pointing at Switzerland, "I see your..." Time seemed to slow down then.

Switzerland reached out towards America, screaming, "Nooooooooooooooo~..." Like the kind that you see in slow-motion. Britianna Angel was about to smack America on the head and France's grip was starting to ease.

"...Underpants! Ow, England!"

Switzerland fell to the ground with an "Oomph!" and watched helplessly as France skipped out of sight. Britianna Angel then disappeared, and America faded from sight...like a ghost...

"...What. The. Hell. Just happened?" Switzerland said lamely. He felt like there was someone controlling him out there...

"And my underpants weren't really showing, were they?" Switzerland looked down.

"_**HAHA, MADE YOU LOOK~!**_" An annoying American voice echoed from somewhere deep in the forest and Switzerland gave himself a facepalm. Damn Americans and their...their...oh, whatever!

* * *

AND...SCENE. Mwah, muy bonita! x3

Sorry about my late, oh so late, update! I had updated this on DA and then, ugh, forgot all about it. So yeah. Yeah. **Scratches head** If you have ideas on which what should be added in here, feel free to do so! After all, I only exist to serve fellow -insertname- lovers! :D

...S'yeah. Reviews? Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaase? I think I deserve them, with me almost, oh, so CLOSE to getting straight A's (never had them before!)! :) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND CHOCOLATE, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. EVEN SAYING "cool story bro" WILL MAKE ME CRANK OUT STORIES LIKE I'VE NEVER CRANKED ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE BEFORE. Views don't do it for me, so sorry~!

:D

~PinkPanther123


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